Trusting Your Intuition

7:05pm

Man, where is this dude?

I looked at my watch for the fiftieth time, then looked at my phone. Not a voicemail, missed called, text…nothing.

“Calm down Tyra. He’s only a few minutes late.”

I tried to calm down, but I couldn’t.

You know that feeling you get that something just ain’t right? Well, I had it. Truth be told, I had it from the moment we met; had it again on our first date; then again, and again, and again.

Ladies, why do we go against our intuition, when we know the SHIP ain’t right? I think I believed in the potential of us way too much. I clearly saw what we could be, so I ignored all the FRACKIN’ BALDERDASH.

It was early autumn; my favorite time of year and I was out shopping for some nonessentials; my least favorite thing. I don’t know what it is… but when I HAVE to shop for something, I get super stressed with the quickness, yet if I don’t have to decide what to buy, I can browse and window shop forever.

I must’ve come down this aisle eight times already. I was so over it. For the fifth time, I picked up the black gloves with the cat claws--- I guess these are it, I thought to myself.

“What are our choices?”

His voice was smooth, familiar.

I looked to my right to see Mr. Handsome, who would later be called, Mr. Intelligent; Mr. Thoughtful. As time progressed, Mr. Always on Some Balderdash*! Let’s just call him Mr. H.I.T., for now.

Against my better judgement and to my surprise, I replied “I’m thinking Cat Woman.”

“Nice.” His eyes were kind. If I had known it would be these same eyes to peer into mine as he lied to me for the hundredth time, I wonder would I have done things differently. I would like to think that I would’ve, but wouldn’t we all?

As he spoke, he towered over me, which is not an easy feat as I stand at least 5’9” on my shortest days. He made me feel small in a way that was comforting; the way I fit with him was dagnabit* near perfection.

I went back to shopping, or should I say slightly agonizing over whether to make the purchase or not.

As I left the store, I didn’t notice that Mr. H.I.T. had made his way outside and was waiting for me.

“Hey. I think you’re beautiful and I would love it if you would give me the opportunity to make your acquaintance and get to know you better.”

Girl, RUN! I could feel something within me say, THIS A’INT IT, but did I listen, NO.

“Make my acquaintance…? Why, yes Mr. Sir, you can.” I’ll admit…it was not my finest hour.

On our first date, we talked for hours about everything from past mistakes to our future goals, hopes, and dreams. We were a great match…

…or so I thought.

The end of the night came, or should I say, the early morning arrived, and we were the only ones left in the diner. We both had to be up early for work, so we decided to call it a night.

Being the gentleman he was, he of course walked me to my car. There we stood for another hour just talking----time seemed to fly when we were together.

It was getting chilly, so we went to sit in his car.

RED FLAG #1: Enter stage left….two car seats in the back seat.

Now me, being the type of chick I am, politely asked, who are the car seats for?

He responded, openly, without hesitation. “I have custody of my sister’s two children; they are one and five.”

Oh, so you didn’t feel this was important to share at any point during the earlier part of the night?

I know what y’all might be thinking, it’s just the first date, RELAX, but nah…

I was a grown woman who knew exactly what she wanted and wasn’t afraid to say it. I knew I didn’t even want to date a guy with kids and that was my choice, my life, my right. Anyhow, I had asked him earlier if he had children to which he responded--yes, two- a 12-year-old and a 16-year-old--- boys. So, now finding out that there’s two small children as well, just didn’t sit well with me and for good reason too. It had nothing to do with the children either, before you go flappin’ your gums. Our chemistry was off the charts, so I had already decided to pursue things with him further…children included.

He continued on to share that his sister suffered a brutal divorce, nearly went crazy, and couldn’t care for his nephews so, he stepped up. I thought this was extremely noble and I was further intrigued by who he presented himself to be.

First Big Mistake: Bending so quickly before really getting to know him.

What can I say, I just believed so deeply that people were inherently good---even after all the hurt he caused me, I still believe that, to this day. Why should I have to change my heart and the way I openly and freely love because you didn’t know a good woman when you had one. You tried it, but you couldn’t break me. I still love who I am and every experience that has made me who I am right now…in this moment.

2:12am

Phone rings…

“Hey Sexy. Daddy misses you.”

“Wait, who is this!”

‘What you mean who is this? Who else calling you this late?”

I hadn’t even looked at the clock.

“What you doing? I’m trying to come through. Don’t you miss daddy?”

Wait, what? So you not dead laying on the side of the road somewhere, body parts detached, bleeding out? Not at the emergency room, intubated and hooked to an IV, waiting to be stitched up? Oh, umkay.

I wanted to scream through the phone at the top of my FREAKING LUNGS, YOU INSENSITIVE JERK; I waited at the restaurant for you for hours and you calling me now talking about you trying to come through...nah, I’m good.

This had been going on for far too long. I CANNOT and WILL NOT be the only person in this relationship taking it seriously.

As much as I wanted to, I didn’t say any of that. I exhaled and said….

“You know what, I’m good. Glad you’re ok. Good night.” I hung up the phone and had the best sleep I’d had in months.

~Tye Okorie

Photo Cred: Asa Dugger